The Good That Is Trying to Find You
What happened when I stopped resisting and started receiving
#49
What an upward spiral these past couple of weeks have been.
I have heard it said before that the month leading up to your birthday can sometimes feel surprisingly intense. As one cycle completes and another begins, old stories, emotions, and patterns often rise to the surface one more time asking to be seen.
Whether that is astrology, energy, or simply life doing what it does, I could certainly feel it.
Last week I celebrated a lovely 55th birthday, and the weeks leading up to it had me moving through some uncomfortable places within myself. Not because anything was particularly wrong externally, but because there were still a few old stories internally that were ready to leave.
One of the things that surfaced was how quickly the mind can still reach for old fears when we are standing on the edge of something new.
My sales at work were not where I wanted them to be. I am stretching financially with the new home. And there were moments where I could feel myself slipping into worry and questioning. Not because those thoughts were true, but simply because they were familiar.
At one point I found myself standing in front of the mirror saying "I love you" over and over again. If you've never tried that exercise, I highly recommend it. We often speak far more critically to ourselves than we would ever speak to someone we love. There is something powerful about interrupting that pattern and replacing it with kindness.
The surprising part wasn't that the thoughts appeared. The surprising part was how quickly I could see them for what they were.
Years ago I might have followed those thoughts for days. I would have gathered evidence for them, reinforced them, and created an entire story around them. This time I simply noticed them. And then I chose differently.
I am incredibly grateful that after years of inner work, I can usually see the places within myself that are asking for attention. My connection to Spirit continues to remind me that I don't have to navigate those moments alone. Even when I temporarily forget, I am supported, guided, and loved through it all. One way I am able to move through it so quickly is because I wasn't carrying it alone.
For ten years now, I have met three times each month with a group of women I consider chosen family. We have trained together, coached together, supported one another through career changes, losses, victories, and everything in between.
We don’t give each other advice. We witness. Being heard, seen, and reminded of who I really am when I temporarily forget. That kind of friendship is rare, and I am endlessly grateful for it. That support is part of what allowed the energy to shift so quickly.
And with Tim's love and encouragement, I found myself moving through another layer of resistance and into a much more joyful place. We spent evenings at outdoor concerts dancing in the warm spring air, something I have missed deeply after so many years in the Pacific Northwest.
It has been decades since I experienced a spring that felt this warm and inviting. There have been thunderstorms, hail, lightning, and dramatic downpours, but then the clouds move on and the sun returns. I find myself outside in short sleeves, completely content, soaking in every moment. My soul has been waiting for this.
Tim took me shopping and bought me a beautiful new dress for my birthday. On my actual birthday, after a day of work that included some lovely sales, we celebrated at a Southern restaurant where I happily enjoyed fried chicken, biscuits, and cobbler.
Simple pleasures.The kind that becomes sweeter when you allow yourself to fully receive them.
Because that is what I realized this birthday. The work isn't always about becoming more worthy. The work is often about becoming more willing to receive. To receive support, love, success, joy and to receive the life that is already trying to find us.
Almost immediately after I stopped feeding those old fears, things began moving again. Sales started flowing. Opportunities appeared. Birthday wishes poured in. Life felt lighter.
Not because the external world changed overnight. Because I did.
There are now just a few more days before Tim heads back to Oregon and his lake home to prepare for summer. I'll have about a month to myself here in Texas before I join him.
We both enjoy our alone time. I will work, write, meditate, spend more time outside, listen to live music, connect with friends, shop a little for the new home, and continue creating this next chapter of my life.
What I've been noticing lately is that life often responds when we stop resisting it. Not all at once, but little by little. A conversation. A sale. A warm evening listening to music by the lake. A birthday celebrated with people you love.
Momentum begins to return. And perhaps that's all we really need to know. Not whether everything will work out perfectly, but whether we are willing to stay open long enough to receive the good that is already trying to find us.
As I begin this next year of life, that's exactly what I intend to do.
To your highest and best,
Dianna
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