The Questions We Carry
Listening to ourselves when life asks for something different
#57
Sometimes the questions we carry quietly are the ones that eventually ask the most of us.
Life has changed considerably for me lately, and I've found myself thinking about how we choose to move through the moments when something deep within us is asking for something different. How do we listen to what our soul ultimately wants for us, especially when following it may mean changing a life we've already created?
At the company I work for, which allows me to do heart-centered sales, we ask one primary question: What would you Love? Not what you think you can have, not what seems practical or what you timidly allow yourself to ask for, but what would make your soul sing and dance and laugh and play?
I've been sitting with that in my own life for a while, particularly around the compromises we make in relationships in order to move forward, keep the peace, or avoid conflict. Loving another person naturally asks something of us, but when we continually set aside pieces of ourselves along the way, the cracks can eventually become chasms where no bridge can cross.
For me, that chasm eventually reached the point where I knew I needed to walk my own path and create the life something within me had been pushing me towards. It was not an easy decision by any means. There was love there, beautiful experiences, laughter, adventure, growth, and a life shared for a time. And yet, when I finally made the decision, I knew it was the right one for me.
And so I am now walking the road solo here in Texas as I continue creating my home with a full heart. I never would have expected or anticipated this chapter when I first came here, and yet this is where life has brought me. I will always cherish what we shared while allowing each of us the space to move forward into whatever comes next.
What has surprised me is what I've begun noticing in myself since making that decision. At work, I had my best sales day ever—a "hat trick," which is three sales in one day—and then my best month ever. I'm working an insane number of hours right now, and I'm grateful to have the time and space to fully devote myself to my work.
The friendships I'm cultivating here are expanding and growing and filling my heart with joy—the Farmers Market, live music, long lunches, and back porch visits. Then there are the decades-long friendships with those who aren't here in Texas but remain close to me. Several are already planning visits next year, and I can't wait to host them. BBQ, sushi, and Tex-Mex have been eaten, and the weather and sunsets have been better than expected. YES AND to it all, please!
My home continues to move along splendidly, and I'll be spending extended time with my family over the holidays. There is so much taking shape around me even as something significant has ended.
Summer has ended, Fall has arrived, and I'm experiencing this season of change once again in Texas, something I haven't experienced here since childhood. Somewhere within all of it, I've realized there are parts of myself I'm reclaiming in ways I never anticipated. That word keeps coming to me: reclaiming. My ability to listen to myself without immediately negotiating with what I hear.
There is healing here, too, and a reclamation of power that I can see now I had gradually given away—not because anyone necessarily took it from me, but because sometimes we give pieces of ourselves away so gradually that we don't recognize it while it's happening. And it's not just from this last relationship, but something I can see woven throughout my life. I can feel myself growing stronger, wiser, and more confident in ME.
And in the hours at night when I wake, I sit in the quiet and solitude and allow myself simply to be there, letting whatever is present flow through and letting my heart expand.
Choosing what is right for ourselves doesn't erase the love that was there, nor does it require us to know exactly what comes next. There is still so much I don't know about this next chapter, and I am genuinely excited to discover it. I feel open and ready for what comes next, trusting myself to continue listening along the way.
Because if there's one thing I know now, it's that the questions we carry quietly are worth listening to.
To your highest and best,
Dianna
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